August 13, 2011

Patriotism, or "Caaarn Straya!" (1)

I've never considered myself to be truly patriotic, but every now and then I feel a surge of national pride. Never during sporting events like the World Cup (which sort of football is that again?) or the Olympics, but usually in the context of a shared characteristic with other Australians.

The following list was one of the very very few email circulars to make it through my filters, but it really struck a chord, so I thought I'd pass it on with annotations to help those for whom some of the references are particularly obscure. I hope that few Australian readers will need these explanations, but it might help them to explain some of their own characteristics to others. Unfortunately I can't give due credit for the list, because it was as anonymous as all such compilations, and is doubtless the work of many people along the way. To each of them I say "Thenk smite!"

[UPDATE 26 January 2012, appropriately enough: the original list is by Aussie journalist and author Richard Glover, and can be found on his website, where he encourages readers to share it. Apologies to him for not knowing this before, and for making small amendments and additions to his already comprehensive work!]

You know you're Australian if ...

* You believe that something looking like cooked-down axle grease makes a fantastic spread. You've squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms ...
and you can sing the song.
[In fact I bet you sang along to that video, didn't you. Just like I did.]

* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You think Woolloomooloo, Mooloolaba, Koolyanobbing, and Goonoo Goonoo are perfectly reasonable names for places.

* Speaking of place names, you can recognise most of the towns in the original version of "I've Been Everywhere Man".

* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

* You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" could never be called "Woy", and "Bong Bong" can't be "Bong". That would just be silly.

* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, unless they stuff up, at which point they become Kiwis again.

* Beetroot with your hamburger ... Of course.

* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted by the whole audience during any rendition of "Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again" and "Living Next Door to Alice".

* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.

* You can translate: "Dazza and Blue went with Wozza to see Acca Dacca."

* You have at some time worn ugg boots outside the house.

* You understand that the phrase "women wearing black thongs" is less alluring than it sounds.

* You know how to pronounce "Mel-bun" properly.

* You're less likely to get caught making a bong with your garden hose than for using it illegally to water the garden.

* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass fruit, penguins, prawns and sheep.

* You believe that most of the really important discoveries in the world were made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

* You say "no worries" quite often, whether you realise it or not, and you understand what "no wuckers" means (without having to click on that link).

* And you have drunk your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim Tam. Ohhh yesss.

To be continued ...


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