Light Relief

My mood has been very subdued for the last 10 days (for recent arrivals, the reason is here), so my posts have been not only astonishingly frequent, but also rather sombre and reflective. This entry will be neither of those things, in an effort to lift my own spirits as well as those of my reader(s).
I have previously posted about my interest in the use of language, and I've also published a small selection of examples I've collected. Here are some more.

This first one came to mind following the recent announcement (only in French, as yet) of new volunteer Administrators at the Open Directory Project. The following piece can be found all over the internet, but without attribution, so if anyone does know the original source I would be delighted to give credit to its irreverent, perceptive, and witty author. [**See attribution added below**.]
[Disclaimer: absolutely no disrespect is intended to my friends and erstwhile colleagues, who I'm confident would appreciate the humour as much as anyone.]

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium." Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.

The following quotes are from reports of a recent rural trip by some first-year medical students I tutor. I'm sure they won't mind being anonymous.

... the only time large numbers of aboriginal would conjugate in the township was during funerals.

I met two South African families who had permanently migrated to the district during my short stay.

... as people become injured or need replacing due to death, it is difficult to find local replacements ...

The town is losing more young people than they're gaining old people ...

After days and nights of excessive drinking it was not difficult for the student to figure out why she was not feeling too well.

I got a lot out of the trip in terms of bounding with fellow students.

**[Added 27 May: Many thanks to motsa, whose comment below attributes the Administratium piece to William deBuvitz in 1988. I feel relieved to acknowledge him at last, and offer belated apologies to him for what I now see is an embellished version. Perhaps understandable in view of the thousands of transcriptions, but still, I am very glad to set the record straight. :-) ]

I blog, therefore I am ... (bored)

I have often been referred to (with varying degrees of fondness/condescension/annoyance) as a "magpie", due to my attraction to anything Shiny! or New! in terms of my interests and activities, and the speed with which I become bored. To be honest, I have always seen myself more as a grown-up toddler: I frequently rush between one activity and the next, falling over now and then, and becoming instantly frustrated if I can't understand something. 

Today it occurred to me what an under-utilised resource we "toddler-type personalities" often are, in any organisation. Exasperating and exhausting? Certainly. And like all toddlers we can get into an awful lot of trouble in a very short while. But surely if our boundless enthusiasm could be channelled safely and effectively, everyone could benefit.  
Not surprisingly, this reminded me of the research I presented last week on motivating and retaining volunteers, because it is a truism of any volunteer organisation that

"10% of the people do 90% of the work"

So once again I went looking for other opinions on the subject, and almost immediately found a guide called "Managing High Achievers" which explains how to make the most of those who fall at the upper end of the performance curve:

"Actions to motivate a person with high need for achievement are:

Keep job tasks interesting and challenging

Stress concern for realistic goal setting and the value of goal achievement

Demonstrate an appreciation for careful planning and anticipation of obstacles

Provide enthusiastic and constant feedback on progress

Provide rewards and recognition for achievement, which the person values.

Actions that de-motivate a person with a high need for achievement are:

Fail to keep score and provide feedback

Setting low level goals

Allow little opportunity for independence and initiative - keeping the person on a leash.

Failing to delegate effectively for a high achiever."

It is simply common sense to make the most of what those 10% (the "high achievers") can offer as volunteers, and to try and avoid the demotivating factors listed above.
For example, during my years as a volunteer in the Open Directory Project, I was fortunate to be able to indulge my toddler tendencies by gradually gaining permissions to edit anywhere in the directory, and that freedom and variety is something that appeals to many editors, I know. So the "motivating actions" quoted above are more than just theoretical, and it's a shame they are not more widely applied.

Pastures new

Since leaving the Open Directory Project (as documented in the previous two posts) I have been looking around for different places to volunteer, and of course there is no shortage of opportunities.
One friend of mine is a district leader in Girl Guides Australia, so she was delighted to hear I suddenly had a lot more free time, but leading groups of teenage girls in singing or abseiling is not really my cup of tea. Incidentally, when I mentioned the research I referenced earlier concerning retention of volunteers, my friend readily agreed that this was definitely a big problem in her organisation, saying that in fact she devoted a lot of her time to ensuring that troop leaders did not take on too many responsibilities at once, and that they continued to have fun. (Clearly I should have spoken to her ages ago!)

Another 2 friends are voluntary tutors in a free adult literacy programme with the clever name of "Read Write Now!" (Their website is currently under construction, but this government page outlines the programme.)
This sounded much more my sort of thing than did girl guiding, so I immediately wrote away for an application form. Having reviewed many thousands of applications from prospective volunteer ODP editors, I chuckled at the irony of the shoe now being on the other foot.

Once your application form is received you will be contacted by a co-ordinator in your region, who is also a volunteer, to arrange an interview. At the interview the co-ordinator will discuss with you your interests and abilities and the program's expectations of tutors. If both you and the co-ordinator decide that Read Write Now! is the right volunteering organisation for you, you will be invited to take part in a stimulating and thoroughly enjoyable training program.

This highly-personalised selection process obviously requires considerable commitment from the co-ordinator, but in a small organisation it probably also increases the chance that the new volunteer will contribute effectively. Thinking back to the ODP (never far from my thoughts at the moment), I found it interesting to speculate on the advantages of such an approach, if the sheer number of applicants did not make it completely impracticable.